More the Merrier: Growing Number of US Cities Recognize Polyamory

M. Christian
5 Min Read

Berkeley and Oakland make five—with more probably coming soon

In April of this year, Oakland, California’s City Council, passed a law preventing discrimination based on family structure, including those engaged in consensual multi-partner relationships. A month later, Berkeley passed a similar law.

Speaking to Berkeleyside, Lily Lamboy, co-founder of the polyamory advocacy group, Modern Family Institute, said of the decision, “We see polyamory as one of many stigmatized forms of building relationship and family against the backdrop of a culture that really sets you up to ‘couple.'”

Led by Somerville

To date, Berkeley is the fifth US city to formally acknowledge polyamorous relationships; the first was Somerville in 2020, with Cambridge and Arlington, two other Massachusetts towns, doing the same shortly after that.

As we previously reported, Somerville’s decision stemmed largely from the local government’s desire to extend the same legal rights already provided to married couples to unmarried relationships during the COVID pandemic.

Lance Davis, the city’s Legislative Matters Committee chair, explained to MetroWest Daily News, “The first draft required domestic partners to notify the city of any change of address, which struck me as not in line with what married folks have to do, and required that they reside together, which again struck me as something I’m not required to do as a married person, so we got rid of those provisions.”

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But as the City Council was poised to vote, another Councilor,  J.T. Scott pulled Davis aside, “[He] reached out and said, ‘Why is this two?’ And I said, ‘I don’t have a good answer. I tripped over my words a bit, and played devil’s advocate, but I had no good reason. So, I pulled it out, went through quickly making whatever word changes necessary to make it not gendered or limited to two people.”

The result might very well be the beginning of a national movement to formally establish multi-partner relationships as socially legitimate and legally protected.

Letter of the law

Similar to ordinances passed by other cities, Berkeley made it illegal to discriminate not just based on a person’s race and gender but their relationships regarding their access to essential services, business, or housing.

While these new protections are good news for polyamorous families, they also extend to less formal arrangements as well, including single or asexual parents with a child or children, casual non-monogamous relationships, and others.

One of the bill’s initial sponsors, Councilmember Cecilia Lunaparra, addressed the Berkeley City Council after seeing it passed unanimously, saying: “As a queer person myself, I’m so happy to co-sponsor this and happy to celebrate love and commitment in all of its forms. This is a step towards making our city inclusive to non-nuclear and non-heteronormative relationships and families.”

Strength in numbers

Five US cities extending anti-discrimination protections to polyamorous relationships may not sound like a particularly impressive accomplishment—especially as the country could be decades or more away from the same consideration and support on a state or national level—but it does demonstrate the rise of multi- or single-partner relationships.

According to more than one scientific study, the US continues to have an ever-increasing interest in polyamorous relationships. Approximately 5% of the US population are already poly, and, as a 2023 YouGov survey indicated, one out of every five citizens said they’d probably be non-monogamous at various times during their lifetimes.

The same survey, as reported by Kentwired, posed the question, “Do you think polyamory will be legalized in the US in the next 50 years?” 

Though 52% responded negatively, an eye-opening 18% were more optimistic—with the remaining 30% stating they were unsure.

All together now

If you’re still not convinced, it’s probably a matter of time before polyamory and other non-heteronormative social structures are granted the same rights as two-partner relationships. Don’t forget for a long time, it was illegal for mixed-race or same-sex couples to marry.

It may not come soon, but as the supportive, inclusive, and progressive people living in Somerville, Cambridge, Arlington, Berkeley, and Oakland have shown us, even the smallest steps can still move us in the right direction. 

Image Sources: Depositphotos

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M.Christian (they/them) loves nothing better than exploring the intersections of sex and technology—and speculating on the future of both. A highly regarded erotica writer they have six novels,12 collections, 100+ short stories, and 25 anthologies as an editor to their name. Their non-fiction regularly appears in many sites, but they're most proud of being a regular contributor to Future of Sex. Of their erotic fiction, Tristan Taormino said that “M.Christian is a literary stylist of the highest caliber: smart, funny, frightening, sexy—there's nothing [they] can't write about… and brilliantly.” Reflecting their unique ability to sympathetically and convincingly write for a range of genders and sexual orientations, their stories have appeared in multiple editions of Best American Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, The Mammoth Books of Erotica, and others. Their collection of gay erotic fiction, Dirty Words, was a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award. While a majority of their stories have been collected into books like Dirty Words, their fondness for combining sex and science fiction is clearly evident in collections that include Rude Mechanicals, Technorotica, Better Than The Real Thing, Skin Effect Effect, Bachelor Machine, and Hard Drive: The Best Sci-Fi Erotica of M.Christian. As a novelist, M.Christian’s versatility is on full display with Running Dry, The Very Bloody Marys, Brushes, Painted Doll; and the somewhat controversial queer BDSM/horror/thrillers Finger's Breadth, and Me2. M.Christian has worked on the industry’s production side as an Associate Publisher for Renaissance E Books and as a Publisher for Digital Parchment Services. The latter dedicated to celebrating the works of science-fiction legends such as William Rotsler, Jerome Bixby, Jody Scott, Arthur Byron Cover, Ernest Hogan, and James Van Hise. Covering topics like BDSM safety, sexual education, senior sexuality concerns, queer and gender issues, plus reviewing a variety of sex tech products, M.Christian’s non-fiction has appeared on sites like Kinkly, Tickle.Life, Sexpert, Queer Majority, Sex for Every Body, and—of course—their ongoing work for Future of Sex. If there’s anything M.Christian enjoys more than writing, it’s teaching. A featured presenter, sometimes with their friend Ralph Greco Jr, at national sex and BDSM events, they have lectured on kink play (with an emphasis on safety), polyamory, boosting sexual creativity, and erotica writing--for beginners or those wanting to go pro. M.Christian is a cohost on two popular sex-education podcasts: Love’s Outer Limits with Dr. Amy Marsh and Licking Non-Vanilla with Ralph Greco, Jr.