More Than a Lover: How AI Could Reshape Tomorrow’s Dating Scene

M. Christian
5 Min Read

Say hello to your state-of-the-art personal relationship assistant

By now, most of us are probably familiar—perhaps intimately so—with how we can form sexual, not to mention fulfilling emotional connections, with many of today’s ultra-sophisticated machine learning systems.

But while those same artificial intelligences have a long way to go in helping us find human companionship, we can assume that AI technology will soon be an invaluable tool for finding, navigating, nurturing, protecting, and even revealing a great deal about ourselves and our desires.

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me an AI match 

Let’s face it: when it comes to separating the wheat from the chaff, contemporary, often AI-employing dating apps and platforms are, to put it politely, not exactly the best.  

Often fail to ward off legions of relentless spammers, scammers, and catfishers or else they “match” users with obviously unsuitable candidates or they introduce you to someone who maybe, possibly, might be interesting but who happens to live a thousand miles away.

Not surprisingly, an increasing number of younger people have begun ditching dating apps for real, in-person encounters. 

RECOMMENDED READ: Loneliness to Love: Socio-Sexual Robots May Revolutionize Intimacy, Care, and Connection

Treena Orchard, writing for Maclean’s, describesher own frustrating experiences, leaving her with the conclusion that:

“These and other bizarre dating adventures made me wonder whether the apps just sucked or if I was doing something wrong. Why did this person disappear? I’d ask myself. What is the matter with me? But it isn’t just me. These days, nearly three and a half million Canadians use dating apps, and many agree that swiping has become dystopian. We now rely on algorithms to serve us potential partners in the same way we do takeout options and travel deals.”

Your ideal wingperson 

Bad though the present AI-dating world may be, considering the speed at which the technology is seemingly progressing, we should soon see see the rise of truly intuitive synthetic relationship assistants.

To begin with, they wouldn’t waste your time with pointless and frustrating maybes, possibilities, or might-bes. 

How?  Scary though it may sound, you could let them learn everything they need about you, like giving them permission to analyze everything from your taste in food, music, books, and movies to what adult entertainment turns you on the most.  

Then, equipped with this invaluable knowledge, they’d go forth in search of the person or people you’d actually enjoy meeting.

So far, so good, but what about after you and your prospective emotional and/or sexual partner(s) hit it off?  

Returning to the all-important idea of informational consent, your AI-dating assistant could delve deeper, paying attention to troublesome details like run-ins with the law, complaints lodged against them, disturbing social media posts, or anything else you’ve indicated would be an automatic red flag.

Keeping us healthy and safe

The bottom line is that your futuristic, top-of-the-line dating AI would always have your best interests in mind, such as helping maintain your physical and mental welfare.

Something not far from the realm of impossibility, including across what otherwise would be insurmountable cultural barriers. as researchers from South Korea’s Institute for Basic Science concluded in regards to depression, “Our data indicate the possibility of chatbots providing helpful information about depressive moods, especially for users who have difficulty communicating emotions to other humans.”

Keyed to an array of words and phrases or on the lookout for tell-tale behaviors of yours or any possible relationship matches, your AI might be there to—virtually—tap on your shoulder when things aren’t heading in a positive direction.

Help us understand ourselves—and our desires

Working in conjunction with a human sexual therapist, your AI-dating assistant could even help you process and recover from intimacy or sexuality-based traumas.  And when you feel you’re ready to move forward, it’d be there; a combination of relationship coach, cheerleader, and if necessary, a virtual shoulder to cry on.

With all the near-hysteria surrounding the prospective misuse of artificial intelligence technologies, it’s easy to forget the immeasurable good it could also do.  

Not least of which is being a friend when you need one the most, particularly when dealing with how emotionally difficult finding a human partner or playmate can be.

Image Sources: Depositphotos

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M.Christian (they/them) loves nothing better than exploring the intersections of sex and technology—and speculating on the future of both. A highly regarded erotica writer they have six novels,12 collections, 100+ short stories, and 25 anthologies as an editor to their name. Their non-fiction regularly appears in many sites, but they're most proud of being a regular contributor to Future of Sex. Of their erotic fiction, Tristan Taormino said that “M.Christian is a literary stylist of the highest caliber: smart, funny, frightening, sexy—there's nothing [they] can't write about… and brilliantly.” Reflecting their unique ability to sympathetically and convincingly write for a range of genders and sexual orientations, their stories have appeared in multiple editions of Best American Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, The Mammoth Books of Erotica, and others. Their collection of gay erotic fiction, Dirty Words, was a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award. While a majority of their stories have been collected into books like Dirty Words, their fondness for combining sex and science fiction is clearly evident in collections that include Rude Mechanicals, Technorotica, Better Than The Real Thing, Skin Effect Effect, Bachelor Machine, and Hard Drive: The Best Sci-Fi Erotica of M.Christian. As a novelist, M.Christian’s versatility is on full display with Running Dry, The Very Bloody Marys, Brushes, Painted Doll; and the somewhat controversial queer BDSM/horror/thrillers Finger's Breadth, and Me2. M.Christian has worked on the industry’s production side as an Associate Publisher for Renaissance E Books and as a Publisher for Digital Parchment Services. The latter dedicated to celebrating the works of science-fiction legends such as William Rotsler, Jerome Bixby, Jody Scott, Arthur Byron Cover, Ernest Hogan, and James Van Hise. Covering topics like BDSM safety, sexual education, senior sexuality concerns, queer and gender issues, plus reviewing a variety of sex tech products, M.Christian’s non-fiction has appeared on sites like Kinkly, Tickle.Life, Sexpert, Queer Majority, Sex for Every Body, and—of course—their ongoing work for Future of Sex. If there’s anything M.Christian enjoys more than writing, it’s teaching. A featured presenter, sometimes with their friend Ralph Greco Jr, at national sex and BDSM events, they have lectured on kink play (with an emphasis on safety), polyamory, boosting sexual creativity, and erotica writing--for beginners or those wanting to go pro. M.Christian is a cohost on two popular sex-education podcasts: Love’s Outer Limits with Dr. Amy Marsh and Licking Non-Vanilla with Ralph Greco, Jr.